Sunday, November 4, 2012

about not saying something..

that I really want to say. The words are right there on the tip of my tongue. Just four little words, that are bursting to be released.
#1 I
#2 told
#3 you
#4 so

Oh, how I want to say them out loud, within hearing distance of B.

I did mention the problem quite a while back, that if the bathroom ceiling was leaking, perhaps we should have someone take a look at the roof.
Answer: No, it's ok. I do it later.

Gradually, through rain storm after rain storm, my suggestion continued to be ignored.
Every time I collected the buckets to put under the drips, I said not so nice things in my head, but heavy sighs, and oh nos, and not agains, didn't seem to speed up the resolving of the situation.

I has been many months, perhaps years, (yes years) but finally, finally, after this last big rain, finally B had someone come and look at the roof.
I almost swallowed my tongue when I heard him say to the fellow, "It's pretty bad, so we need something done now...."
To myself....It wouldn't be this bad, if you had listened to me..."
That's when I wanted to shout it to the mountain tops ...... those four little words.... but I didn't, coward that I am.
Back in the spring we were talking to this same fellow, and I said to him that I would like to have him come and fix the roof, but, of course B said no.
It would take me a long time to explain about B. All decisions must be made by him, when he is ready. He isn't easy to live with, and since the stroke, it is worse..

Sometimes I feel, as my mother used to say, that I have the patience of Job.
You know what happens if you take a bottle of pop, and shake it up, then open it? It's sort of the same thing with B. I just never know when that 'pop' is going to fly all over the place.

Well, now that I have ranted a bit, I guess I won't worry about saying those four little words out loud, but I will know in my heart of hearts that those words are true.

I have been sitting here, questioning myself, and wondering if I should hit 'publish'.
The answer is yes, otherwise, there might be a pop explosion, and I'd have to clean up the mess.


  1. Sometimes it is really, really hard to bite our tongues and not say those four little words, but I think you made the right decision, Bonnie. Not to say them and to let off steam here. Well done!

  2. Thank you Perpetua. I appreciate your words. I felt much better having written the post, though I was hesitant about posting. Writing it did help my well-being, and that's a good thing.

  3. At least now it will be fixed. I hate when a can of soda pops all over when it is opened.